and i've never been to boston in the fall because i am the Pirate That Doesn't Do Anything

I have the easiest life ever. I am a rich (comparatively) white smart male, under the age of 21. I have no real responsibilities. I have to go to school but I don't have to think, I go to public school. I don't have to deal with being oppressed. I am the white devil. I only have to work probably twelve hours out of the week and that's generous. I have a car to drive, a computer to play on, and a cell phone. I have a TV in my room. I love my music. Why do I hate my life so much?

I don't have a girlfriend. That is what makes me so damn unhappy. Most people compensate for that by working harder or trying harder with the ladies. I don't, I work less than anyone I know. I just obsess about girls I have no chance with. No girl in their right mind would date a guy whose favorite way to pass time is go to math competitions and play Fluxx. I waste everything I have. I could dapper myself up, yet i go unshaven. I could work harder but I rest on my morals. I could get smarter but I just do enough to get by. This hits me the hardest when I do crappy at competitions. I lost horrifically to Lawrence Central and Cardinal Ritter at "United We Stand" government competition today. I did really bad on the Rose Hulman math competition.

I'm not close to anyone I was a year ago---or even six months ago. The only constants in my life are my family and church which are like my family. But I don't like most of those people. Michelle is avoiding me, and I can't blame her. Like I've said before, I measure myself by my relationships and I'm only really happy when I'm with other people. For an introvert I sure like company. I'm only happy two days out of the week. Thursday evenings when I'm at academic team, and at church on occasion on Sundays.

I should do so much more with myself but I don't, I suck balls.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!